A small declaration of my ego
What follows is a beginning step for me on a path I have been clearing for some time. It’s a project it seems I was destined to work on in order to understand myself, which in turn i hope will allow me to help others clear their own brush. For so long I have studied and searched, studied and searched, rinse and repeat over and over.
I have always believed that the “answers” were to be found in “knowledge”. “He who possesses the most knowledge, holds the keys to any problem” or something like that. It seems with the creation of the internet this type of thinking has become the predominate norm. Data analytics and logarithms can solve almost anything now so they want us to believe. Computers and personal mobile devices have made us into living gods, for it is the gods who possess all knowledge. Is this not one of the most defining characteristics of a god. God according to most religions is omniscient: meaning it possesses the capacity to know everything there is too know. Sounds like what most people believe the internet is. An abstract entity where all the worlds knowledge is stored. Pick a subject and try not to find info about it on the internet, not possible. So is internet a god? Did humankind through the ages of searching for meaning and “answers” finally create their own god out of desperation. From my observation of humanities developing relationship with computers and “the internet”, it seems we think we have. We now own god and keep it in our pocket.
What has this done to the structure of our psyche? What kind of shifts have occurred in our emotional core and ability to think fundamentally? What does it mean for our future? All I know is that the answer is 42. I joke because to me most of what the internet is used for is comical. Cats playing pianos, porn, social media! Everyone I speak too dislikes social media after using it for a while. Many feel after the initial interest fades they become increasingly isolated and emotionally depleted with continual use. Isn’t this the opposite reaction we were promised by the silicon valley charletans and media campaigns. It also seems that instead of using this god tool to know everything and solve any problem the only thing computers seem to be doing is increasing the speed at which everyone gets stressed out. The pace of life has rapidly quickened the past 20 years, is this good?
Everytime you pull the internet up you are usually bombarded by bad news. President so and so did this, these people have just been killed, depression is at an all time high and chances are that… you are not attractive etc… Where is this enlightenment that is supposed to coincide with vast knowledge. I have not seen it present itself yet as any possible outcome of computers or the internet. Which brings me to my point.
I have never found lasting fullfillment or peace of mind in “knowledge”. This statement might not mean much to most people but it was a total epiphany to me when I made that realization. Everything in my life was based of the attainment of knowledge and for much of my life I have been unfulfilled. It took a desperate move out of my comfort zone to go and try something that I have no experience with and a questionable chance of success, to open my eyes to a simple fact. That fact is knowledge and action are indispensable to each other. Knowledge without action is impotent and action without knowledge is random, unfocused and pointless. This move I spoke of that sparked these changes in my consciousness was something that I have preached about for years, organic farming and living in nature.
About a month ago on Christmas eve I moved out to my oldest friends startup organic livestock and vegetable farm. The farm which is 20 acres resides in a large pine forest next to the rocky mountains. He kept telling me how much help he needed and the great potential that his farm represented. A chance to not only work and live in nature, but the possibility to transform it into a very financially profitable operation. I kept putting him off, saying it was my plan to get out there but not right now, in a few months I would say. I thought I new what was best for me and needed to stick to my plan of whatever it was I thought I was working on. In reality all i was doing was not taking action, not just in regards to my friends farm but everything else. Developing a career, being creative with my mind and body, achieving independence and financial stability, my health… Everything I tried seemed like it had great potential but in the end was utterly unsuccessful. I was putting my success off to the future and dreaming away my life, stuck in my head in the realm of knowledge. For whatever reasons it all became too much on that Christmas eve and I finally moved into the realm of the body, action. I was early when I packed up B-squared my trustee superman blue honda element and headed west like so many frontiersman had done before me. Most with nothing more than a faithful steed and some necessary supplies, they rode off into the sunset seeking their fortune and glory. I had many thoughts and feelings on that trip west but the two that were with me the most were apprehension and hope. After being here a month I can say the apprehension is slowly fading and hope is rising. My creative juices are overflowing and I feel that vibrancy I have lectured on for so long to so many people (usually unsolicited) returning to my body and spirit. I am living as close to nature as most people can get and working in it, around it and with it everyday. Seeing a small but rich cycle of life playing out everyday in front of me has had a profound effect. Pieces of information are coming together in my mind and I begin to see the way for them to finally be used and come to life. From a lover of knowledge I am transforming into a believer in action.
I have realized that this project for me is my transformation from boy to Man, from static knowledge to dynamic action and creation. Balance, this is where growth happens and life resides. Balance to me isn’t just two opposite forces cancelling each other out like weights on the scale. That’s too dead, the scales just sit there, life always moves, changing. Pondering the concept of balance for many years has brought me to my own conclusion on it. Balance is achieved by fluctuation between to opposite forces. The movement back and forth between the poles is how nature achieves it’s balance. Each full day contains movements between light and dark, heating and then cooling. The seasons change achieving cycles that are dramatically different from each other but within each day and season, life thrives. I have alot more to say about this at a latter time if anyone is interested, but my point is made for now. I was living statically and this farm has forced me to live dynamically. I feel slightly like a fellow actor participating in natures play and I have a front row seat everyday to watch it all play out. I see it in life and death cycles taking place each day. We are broke right now on the farm, alot of the merchandise is still growing (mangalista pigs) and everything we get is put back into the farm. So we have been butchering up turkeys to supplement our protein needs and feed the dogs. Now I know what chopping the head off of your food feels like as well as plucking its feathers off so it can be properly cooked. Sparring you the gruesome details, I can tell you the first couple times are pretty intense, as well as enlightening. It’s totally true you do appreciate food more when you raise it and kill it yourself. Every person who consumes meat should participate in raising and butchering their own food at some point in their life, it will change you.
Death gives way to life though. By butchering the turkey or chicken we are allowed as stewards of the land to continue cultivating the farm and tending everything that grows there. Two days ago we had one of our sows gave birth to a healthy litter of mangalista piglets. Six little squeakers have begun their life, representing not just possible monetary value but the cycle of life playing out right next to death all the time. Again, life moves on taking action constantly, death stands still, static unmoving and it is precisely this polarization that makes everything work. Seeing this, being part of it, gleaning whatever insight I can from it has been very powerful even in such a short time.
God is not in your pocket, I don’t know where it is but that little rectangle is not it. It might be a wonderful tool someday but right now it’s a crutch. Don’t let it stop you from taking action and living wild, free and healthy.
Matthew DiPonio Yanke
DynamicEarthling.com 